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Did I just hear that?

Today I was at W*lM*rt and I had the WEIRDEST experience. I can't wait to hear what you all have to say about it. I was at the self check out and the worker that handles those came over to Nini and put her hands on Nini's cheeks and literally put her nose against Nini's nose. Okay....don't know you, plus it is serious cold and flu season. I pulled the cart back quickly. The lady was talking to Nini and asking her how old she was and telling her how cute she is (she is that). Then she said to me, "where did you get her from?" That question threw me. I have been asked where she is from, what nationality she is, but never, "where did you get her from?" I said China, but was thinking, "does she think I got her from a store or something?" This was just the beginning of what was the MOST outrageous conversation I have ever been apart of.

She asked me her name. I told her and she said, "Thank you! It makes me so happy to hear that name." I looked at her in bewilderment. What was she talking about? Unfortunately, she let me know what she was thinking. People, this is the literal conversation.

Me: "What are you thanking me for?"
Worker: "For giving her a Chinese name. You don't know how bothered I get when people come in who have adopted Chinese kids and they give them white people's names. They name them Grace, Emily or Suzie. Do you know what I mean?"
UHHHH...no I don't know what you are talking about.
Me: "No, I don't get it. In fact, my daughter is named after my great-grandmother."
Worker: "You have Chinese blood in you?" Very confused look on her face.
Me:"No. My grandmother was English."
Worker: "And she had that name? I have never heard of a white person having a Chinese name."

By this time, I am doing everything I can to get my card in the machine and my receipt to print out.

Worker: "It just bothers me that these parents don't give their Chinese kids a Chinese name. They are not white."
Worker: "If I adopted I would give them a Chinese name. I wouldn't hide it as their middle name."
Me: "My daughter's middle name is her Chinese name."
Worker: "Yeah, but she has a Chinese first name too."
Worker: says this as she is following me to the exit. "Do you get what I mean. For example, if I adopted a black kid I would never name it Suzie or Grace, I would give it a black person's name."
Me: "Have a nice day." And I was outta there.

First, I would not have been so nice, but I could tell this lady was mentally disabled, so I wanted to be gentle and kind.

Second, I was too stunned to really think of anything clever to say.

Third, she was saying this in front of my child. A child who understands everything.

I am still thinking about it. It was very, very odd.

Here are pictures of my very, cute, American girl!
 

 

 

 
She stole the candy bar Alex had bought for his teacher's Valentine gift. Can't you see how bad she feels about it? Hee hee.
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Comments

Why is it always Walmart?? I have had my two most upsetting encounters also in that store and I could comment on why there, but I won't.

I have found that the older my kids get the less comments are made, or maybe we have just increased in number to the point that those who may have had a comment with one, just don't know where to start when we are now three!

Who knows, but I am with you on getting caught off guard. I was so rattled by one encounter that it is hard for me to go to that part of the store and not feel awful. I always have great things to say back as I drive home in my car, though.

Kim
PS. I LOVE the candy bar bite pic. Too cute- that is worth the stolen candy bar right there!
Anonymous said…
Those are super sweet photos.

I am speechless about the other part, and proud of you for handling it the best you could.
Lisa~~ said…
Don't like people touching my kid so you did well.

I've been very lucky thus far with comments regarding Maisie but no matter how people ask, where's she from, where did you get her, is she adopted, what nationality is she, I always say, "she was born in China." That usually suffices to answer their question and it's something Maisie understands and relates to. So even if the question was asked in a backward or bizarre way, it's answered so that Maisie has consistency and relates.
Anonymous said…
I am still thinking about this. Perhaps because there is a bag boy at our grocery store (who is actually a grown man) who on several occasions has entered Tess' personal space. Really uncomfortable. I told myself the next time it happens I will be speaking with the manager. Walmart can't control what their customers say or do to their other customers, but they can control what their employees say or do to their customers. You shouldn't have to worry about being subjected to that. Perhaps you might want to consider sharing the incident with the manager.
Erin said…
My sister in law pointed out to me, that whatever I say in answer to another's comments/question, should be to show my daughter how to answer, since any question I get, she will eventually be asked too. So, though I used to hustle away from rude questions, I now try to answer them without jeopardizing my daughter's self worth. I have been asked "Where did yo get her?" seveal times. I answer with "Are you asking where my daughter was born was born?" When poeple ask how much it cost, I tell them that rearing children costs money, and we were happy to pay for my daughter's care for her first year in China. Then I ask if they would like the name of our adoption agency. People are so backwards---even thoughtless or cruel sometimes. But I always try to remember that what is important, is what my daughter hears me say. I will post about what someone said to LIbby soon. Appalling.
Circe said…
Our kids have CHinese faces, which does not disqualify them as Americans. Who says what is an American name? Xanthe's name is Greek, Araceli is Spanish. I don't need permission to use those names, and I don't abandon Xanthe's Chinese heritage by not giving her a Chinese name. The first thing you see about her is that her ethnic background is different. To say that because of her face, she should have a certain name is asinine. It's funny, though...it seems like it is always Walmrt. :)
Claudia said…
Wow!! I don't know how I would respond in a similar situation, but it sounds like you did the best you could in front of your lovely daughter.
Lisa and Tate said…
I am in shock... Really Laurel, don't even know how to digest this. If this worker was "mentally" disabled, then it was a good decision to be kind. It will be interesting to hear what BTDT will say.
Anonymous said…
Very beautiful (and not a bit apologetic) all-American girl. You handled this situation well. I have only wanted to hit someone, a store clerk (seriously) once. Other than that I try to focus on protecting Em's self-esteem. Amazing that people are that insensitive and yet think they are so tolerant.
White Family said…
Wow What is with that? I had my own experience in Costco.
Some lady comes up to me and starts asking me about Anya. Where is she from, What is her name, Is her name Chinese? and then she picks up Anya's fingers and sucks on them!!! I am sorry but I could not hide the shock. I got a baby wipe out and used it! I wish I had hand sanitizer with me.
The Stanley's said…
I actually almost cried at Walmart last night. The sweetest gentleman was "checking me out" ha ha. Paul was with me and the man said looking at him "I can tell you something about your home life" I looked at him and said "what? that I have children who love to eat cereal?" He replied "No, that you are a person who likes order. A place for everything and everything in its place." Paul and I laughed and told him he was right. He had based his decision off how I load the belt at the checkout. Anyway, then he said "I know this because I was married to a woman for 56 years who was just like that. She kept everything tidy. She is probably rolling in her grave right now because my house is so messy." I told him she was actually probably happy to know that he still needed her. I could have cried. He was so sweet. There are all kinds of people at Walmart. What can I say I shop there :)
Dione said…
Sometimes I wonder what stupid things I've said to others... Don't answer that! Some people in this life are just plain odd! But they make for funny stories.

Your daughter is a beautiful All American Girl who came from the same place we all did - Heavenly Father's arms.
Anita,

I love that story that you shared in your comment!

Thanks
Kim
laurel said…
Anita!

I love your story. Thanks for being positive. Especially in this troubled world, your comment reminded us that there are some VERY good people out there. See why you are my favorite person?
RamblingMother said…
What a cute hair cut she has. Um strange conversation but I have heard it on adult adoptees blogs about taking away the cultural name. I would have been like you just trying to get away quickly! And what is a black person's name?
hooli said…
oh boy. and that is when most people get arrested for beating other senseless. You are strong not to have smacked her face.

where did you find that fabulous gingham smock?!?!?!? I. love. it. So indie.

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