This post may be a bit harsh, but it it the truth. At least, my truth. I have been so disappointed in the lack of commitment and integrity that seems to exist or should I say not exist in the world today.
Yesterday, my feelings came to a head. Let me share two experiences with you.
I realized I needed to write this down the moment I was hugging my crying, broken hearted daughter and the following came out of my mouth. "Don't have close friends. You can't trust them. It's not worth the trouble." I am saddened by how I feel and for the council I gave my daughter, but after years of seeing the lack of commitment and integrity of people especially friends and then having my daughter, twice in one day, be hurt by the very same thing, I decided enough was enough. I am probably wrong, but in that moment that was all I had to say.
My daughter wanted to go to a dance last night. I couldn't take her, I had a meeting and Jay was gone, so on Wednesday she arranged for me to take her to a friend's early so they could take her to the dance. I had her call the mother Wednesday night to confirm. The mother said, "Of course. That would be so fun!" So, Thursday came and at 3 in the afternoon just two hours before drop off, the mom calls me and says she can't have Kens now. Her daughter just told her she had a school project and her husband was asked to fill in as her son's soccer coach and she didn't feel like she could leave her husband for a few minutes to run Kens to the dance. I said to the mom, "Well I guess she can't go then. You were my only option." Still no change. I was pretty mad. Seriously? She couldn't leave her 40 year old husband for 15 minutes to run my daughter to a dance, especially since she had my husband work on her computer for 6 hours and all free of charge.
My anger became complete when Kens got home and said the friend had told her they couldn't take her because they had to go to FAMILY COUNSELING! Later, Kens heard her talking to her friends about the fun activity they had planned before the dance. Kens saw the writing on the wall...she had been lied too (and I as well) for a better offer. I was so angry. Kens was heart broken and wanting to know why the friend didn't consider her good enough.
I wanted to call the mom and ask her what happened to teaching our children to keep their commitments and to telling the truth. If it was me, I would have told Kens she couldn't go with the second offer. She needed to stick with her 1st commitment or, the friend would have needed to be included in the second activity. NO WAY, or NO HOW would I let my child do this to another person. Apparently, how I think is not shared by many.
NUMBER 2: I, luckily, was able to find someone who could take Kens before the dance. I know the daughter, but had never met the parents. I then called a lady who lives near-by and asked if her daughter was going to the dance (she and Kens were "friends")and if she would mind bring Kens home since Maylin had such a high fever. I told her about what happened previously with the other girl. She said she would love to bring her home and told me to tell her if she ever did something so insensitive. I told her I would. WARNING TO ALL: If you say something like that to me, and I agree to it, I will follow through. So if you don't want to really hear it, don't say that to me.
At 10:15 p.m. Kens called me. CRYING. The girl she was supposed to ride with came up to her and said, "We can't bring you home. We don't have room in our car. We are taking home &*%$, so there isn't room." Seriously? &*%$ lives 4 minutes from the dance. TO TOP IT OFF &*%$ is the girl who bailed on Kens earlier!!! We live 30 minutes away. What happened to that commitment just hours earlier? I called the mom. She has no idea what I was talking about. She sent her son to get them. She tried to call her son, but by this time Kens called me back and said they had left, so I dragged Maylin out of bed and into the car. Then the mom calls again and said to me, "I called my son and he is taking her home, I don't know why all this happened." I tell her they left her and she is beside herself and I am on my way. She says no, my son will bring her. I call Kens and she says the boy is back to get her. I have Kens give the boy the phone and I say very firmly, "Do you have her? Are you sure? You won't leave her again? You will do what you are telling me?" Yeah, I know....I know how to win and influence friends. Hee hee.
Call Kens on the ride home. She was tearful. She had told the girl that she thought they were friends, so why would she be so mean. The girl says, "I am not mean. Name one time I was mean." HMMMMMM....so telling someone that you can't bring them home now and leaving them on the curb isn't mean? Kens was too upset to respond.
I talked to the mom again and I told her how disappointed I am that her daughter did this especially because Kens had gone out of her way so much lately to be her friend. We had just taken her out for ice cream the day before!!! The mom said she was upset at her daughter too and would talk to her.
As of 12:20 p.m. Friday, we have heard nothing. I thought this mom would have the girl call and apologize to Kens for causing her so much trauma. Apparently not.
Am I bad for expecting an apology? Am I wrong for expecting people to do what they say and say what they mean? I expect my kids to do the right thing, the thing they have committed to do whether or not it is the fun thing, or the thing or the people they want to be with. Am I wrong to expect the same?
Thus, my advice: "Don't have close friends. You can't trust them. Its not worth the trouble."
To put the cherry on top.... my neighbor asked me yesterday to go to lunch today. This NEVER happens so I said yes. Went to pick her up at noon. She tells me "My friend &*$@# called and asked us to meet her at the park. Can we go another time?" Sure. Take the better offer.
I have a few very close friends. Okay 1 1/2. That 1/2 lives so far away we really don't have much contact, thus the 1/2...the other lives about an hour away. We don't see each other much, but I know she loves me and I love her. I know my feelings and thoughts are sacred to her. I am so grateful for that. However, because I have been the "NOT the better offer" time and time again and to having my feelings ripped apart and violated by several, I have a very high wall. I am careful. I do have a gal that works with me in YWs that really makes an effort to bring down my wall. She is understanding of my fears. I want you to all know I love everyone. I love you all who I have met through this blog and otherwise. I consider you my friends, but I will admit I am wary of letting you too close. I have tried not to let my children have this view. I had hoped their experiences would be different, but after yesterday, my view has tainted my daughter's. Can you say, you blame me?
I know I am not perfect. I am sure I have hurt people along the way too, but it has been unintentional. I strive hard to see people's trials and to uplift them. Besides all of this I will still honor my commitments. I will still do what I say. These bad experiences will not change my integrity. It has changed, however, my childrens' rose colored view of the world.
Yesterday, my feelings came to a head. Let me share two experiences with you.
I realized I needed to write this down the moment I was hugging my crying, broken hearted daughter and the following came out of my mouth. "Don't have close friends. You can't trust them. It's not worth the trouble." I am saddened by how I feel and for the council I gave my daughter, but after years of seeing the lack of commitment and integrity of people especially friends and then having my daughter, twice in one day, be hurt by the very same thing, I decided enough was enough. I am probably wrong, but in that moment that was all I had to say.
My daughter wanted to go to a dance last night. I couldn't take her, I had a meeting and Jay was gone, so on Wednesday she arranged for me to take her to a friend's early so they could take her to the dance. I had her call the mother Wednesday night to confirm. The mother said, "Of course. That would be so fun!" So, Thursday came and at 3 in the afternoon just two hours before drop off, the mom calls me and says she can't have Kens now. Her daughter just told her she had a school project and her husband was asked to fill in as her son's soccer coach and she didn't feel like she could leave her husband for a few minutes to run Kens to the dance. I said to the mom, "Well I guess she can't go then. You were my only option." Still no change. I was pretty mad. Seriously? She couldn't leave her 40 year old husband for 15 minutes to run my daughter to a dance, especially since she had my husband work on her computer for 6 hours and all free of charge.
My anger became complete when Kens got home and said the friend had told her they couldn't take her because they had to go to FAMILY COUNSELING! Later, Kens heard her talking to her friends about the fun activity they had planned before the dance. Kens saw the writing on the wall...she had been lied too (and I as well) for a better offer. I was so angry. Kens was heart broken and wanting to know why the friend didn't consider her good enough.
I wanted to call the mom and ask her what happened to teaching our children to keep their commitments and to telling the truth. If it was me, I would have told Kens she couldn't go with the second offer. She needed to stick with her 1st commitment or, the friend would have needed to be included in the second activity. NO WAY, or NO HOW would I let my child do this to another person. Apparently, how I think is not shared by many.
NUMBER 2: I, luckily, was able to find someone who could take Kens before the dance. I know the daughter, but had never met the parents. I then called a lady who lives near-by and asked if her daughter was going to the dance (she and Kens were "friends")and if she would mind bring Kens home since Maylin had such a high fever. I told her about what happened previously with the other girl. She said she would love to bring her home and told me to tell her if she ever did something so insensitive. I told her I would. WARNING TO ALL: If you say something like that to me, and I agree to it, I will follow through. So if you don't want to really hear it, don't say that to me.
At 10:15 p.m. Kens called me. CRYING. The girl she was supposed to ride with came up to her and said, "We can't bring you home. We don't have room in our car. We are taking home &*%$, so there isn't room." Seriously? &*%$ lives 4 minutes from the dance. TO TOP IT OFF &*%$ is the girl who bailed on Kens earlier!!! We live 30 minutes away. What happened to that commitment just hours earlier? I called the mom. She has no idea what I was talking about. She sent her son to get them. She tried to call her son, but by this time Kens called me back and said they had left, so I dragged Maylin out of bed and into the car. Then the mom calls again and said to me, "I called my son and he is taking her home, I don't know why all this happened." I tell her they left her and she is beside herself and I am on my way. She says no, my son will bring her. I call Kens and she says the boy is back to get her. I have Kens give the boy the phone and I say very firmly, "Do you have her? Are you sure? You won't leave her again? You will do what you are telling me?" Yeah, I know....I know how to win and influence friends. Hee hee.
Call Kens on the ride home. She was tearful. She had told the girl that she thought they were friends, so why would she be so mean. The girl says, "I am not mean. Name one time I was mean." HMMMMMM....so telling someone that you can't bring them home now and leaving them on the curb isn't mean? Kens was too upset to respond.
I talked to the mom again and I told her how disappointed I am that her daughter did this especially because Kens had gone out of her way so much lately to be her friend. We had just taken her out for ice cream the day before!!! The mom said she was upset at her daughter too and would talk to her.
As of 12:20 p.m. Friday, we have heard nothing. I thought this mom would have the girl call and apologize to Kens for causing her so much trauma. Apparently not.
Am I bad for expecting an apology? Am I wrong for expecting people to do what they say and say what they mean? I expect my kids to do the right thing, the thing they have committed to do whether or not it is the fun thing, or the thing or the people they want to be with. Am I wrong to expect the same?
Thus, my advice: "Don't have close friends. You can't trust them. Its not worth the trouble."
To put the cherry on top.... my neighbor asked me yesterday to go to lunch today. This NEVER happens so I said yes. Went to pick her up at noon. She tells me "My friend &*$@# called and asked us to meet her at the park. Can we go another time?" Sure. Take the better offer.
I have a few very close friends. Okay 1 1/2. That 1/2 lives so far away we really don't have much contact, thus the 1/2...the other lives about an hour away. We don't see each other much, but I know she loves me and I love her. I know my feelings and thoughts are sacred to her. I am so grateful for that. However, because I have been the "NOT the better offer" time and time again and to having my feelings ripped apart and violated by several, I have a very high wall. I am careful. I do have a gal that works with me in YWs that really makes an effort to bring down my wall. She is understanding of my fears. I want you to all know I love everyone. I love you all who I have met through this blog and otherwise. I consider you my friends, but I will admit I am wary of letting you too close. I have tried not to let my children have this view. I had hoped their experiences would be different, but after yesterday, my view has tainted my daughter's. Can you say, you blame me?
I know I am not perfect. I am sure I have hurt people along the way too, but it has been unintentional. I strive hard to see people's trials and to uplift them. Besides all of this I will still honor my commitments. I will still do what I say. These bad experiences will not change my integrity. It has changed, however, my childrens' rose colored view of the world.
Comments
I wonder where the daughters learn to behave that way...oh, yeah--your decective work has shown exactly where they learn it.
I'm sorry that both you and Kenzie have had a couple of bad days. In case you haven't noticed, you are always a first choice in our family!
Love
Kim
I think the hardest lessons to learn is that people arent perfect. I have screwed up so many times I can't even count. You ae a great mom, and I hope things go better.
I am so sorry Kenzie has had to learn this the hard way, she is so loving and caring and compassionate that it makes my heart break to think that she had to go through this trial.
I think this calls for a friend intervention. I will try to drop over something today to help her feel better, and I will remember to keep her in my prayers!
Keep your heads up, we all love you too!
First, I was pretty ticked when I read this yesterday. I just can't get over the downright meanness of some people. The one thing that is true though is we can't take their behavior personally. Sadly, I am convinced it is how they end up treating everyone in their lives, once they are finished using them. Sometimes they even treat their own family members that way.
Second, there are plenty of people not worth being friends with. This is why true friends are treasures!!
It is okay for us to choose our friends wisely. If it doesn't work out, don't feel sorry for yourself, feel sorry for them! Kenzie, anyone with brains would recognize your worth!
And pretty much lastly, I am so thankful for you and your family. You guys are my friends, and I am EXTREMELY lucky!!!
I'm so sorry! If your sweet little girl turns out anything like you, she will be one of the nicest people in the world. And I mean it!