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Motherly reflection

I've posted so much today of all of our activities and I have more to go, but I wanted to post something personal. Something that I think mother's can all relate to. This past year has been one of the hardest I have had as a  mother. It seems as if each one of my children have had some sort of trial or difficult hardship. Some of them haven't even realized they are going through something, but as a mother I have. It is hard to watch your children choose things that may not be the best for them, have their hearts broken, make poor choices, fail, be in pain and not understand what they are feeling or doing. I know motherhood is the hardest thing we will ever do. I didn't ever realize how hard it would actually be until I was in the middle of it!

I have spent a lot of time this year reflecting on how our heavenly parents do it. How do they watch us? How do they handle our heart ache and pain? I have come to understand that they obviously have greater knowledge than me. I have come to understand they know the plan of salvation better and are willing to let agency actually work. I am in the process of learning to let go a bit. I am learning to realize I am not responsible for everyone's happiness. I do not have to fix everything. All I have to do is do my best. I have realized that my children do not understand fully how much I love them and that I actually know a few things! I have realized that sometimes all I can do is pray for them, go to the temple to find inspiration, and have patience. I have learned this year that a mother has the ability to endure, to fight, to receive inspiration, to help, but I am also learning that a mother sometimes must let nature take its course. I am learning it is okay if they learn on their own even though it is hard. I am learning it is okay to let them hurt and grow. It is okay if they choose something different than I would. It doesn't make it wrong all of the time.

This year has been filled with self doubt. There has been lots of questioning what I am doing and what I have done. I've wondered if I have done enough or my best. But, I have learned that I am a good mother. I have learned that yes I make mistakes, but I also have lots and lots of successes. I have learned the best thing I have done this year was listen to the Holy Ghost. Wow, he spoke to me many times this year and I was in a place that I listened. If I can say anything about my mistakes this year, that is not one. I actually listened and I was blessed for it!

I have heard his voice of comfort. I have heard his voice of wisdom. I have heard him tell me to hold my tongue......and I did. That is a miracle in itself. I have heard him prompt me to intervene or to stay out of it. I have felt him. I have seen him put people and events in my path. I have felt peace.

The Holy Ghost has been my friend this year. I have had to work for it. Days never went past with out multiple heartfelt prayers and tears, but it was worth it. I do not think I could have made it with out him. I have let go of old hurts because of him. I have been able to endure when I didn't think I could take another day. He is such an important part of the Godhead. Sometimes I think we don't realize how much he actually does for us. I am grateful for him.

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